A 3-way with Jesus

A 3-way with Jesus

I am so frustrated about how my relationship with my wife is going. I wish it were different. I can’t help but feel resentment towards religion because I feel that it has caused me a lot of unneeded stress in my life. How can I compete with a God that is absent and can do no wrong? HONESTLY, what chance do I have against an idea?

Years ago I was naive and thought that the truth would set me free. I thought that once I realized the truth about my faith that others would appreciate me being honest with them.  However, the truth about the LDS religion has done little more than to trap me in a battle I can not win.

I am in a relationship with someone who believes anyone with standing in her church over anything I have to say. I take second place to anyone who says that her version of God is real. I am supposed to take life advice from some rando who works at the local gas station hosing off the sidewalks. It is such a struggle for me when we fight because who can win against the idea of a God. How do you get a person to see reason when they fear to even let the thought in?

Do I need to sacrifice my own integrity and go along with this lie? Do I allow my children to be brainwashed in order to have a happy life? What kind of damage is going to be created by playing along with this religion? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror if I allow my kids to blindly follow something that is so ridiculous? What kind of torture must I endure to keep my family together and my integrity intact? Is there room for both integrity and family or will my lack of faith be the end to my happy home?

Being in a 3-some with Jesus is so FUCKING hard. He gets the credit for all the great things in the relationship and takes none of the blame for the bad. I get stuck with the bad. I get stuck with all the faults that this stupid idea has created.

I know there are things about myself that I need to work on. I could spend more time with my kids. I could work harder at losing weight. I could spend more time listening to the endless complaints my wife has about the things she wants to talk about. But… can I live with the knowledge that I allowed my daughter to believe in a religion that is SO unfair to women? A religion that sets men as the leaders of their church with women always serving the man?

I feel like I am stuck in a catch 22. I am screwed either way. Jesus is literally tearing my family apart and he is little more than an idea. Will my life be counted among the billions of other lives that religion has destroyed?

It is hard to see the brighter side when you are so far down.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to this rant.

Above all, just try to live your life without regret.

Intermittent Fasting Week 1

Intermittent Fasting Week 1

So, I have decided to try Intermittent Fasting. I have tried this before but my brother has renewed my interest in it since he has hardly any fat to lose and he has lost 10 lbs in a week or two of trying it. After about 1 week of fasting, I have not had quite as much success but I have also cheated a little. Here is an overview of my first week.

Week 1:

Day 1: I started the day at 286.2. Fasted all day and had coffee with Splenda and fat-free creamer. Ate a ton of spaghetti with cheese and weighted 285.6 before bed.

Day 2: Woke up and weighted 284.1 Black Coffee, YUCK! Black coffee tastes horrible when you are not used to it. Ate spaghetti for dinner again but had two slices of garlic bread.

Day 3: Woke up and weighted 281.3 Coffee with bagged stevia from Wal-Mart. Taking the kids to Chic-fil-a for dinner as a treat. I had #9 with sugar-free lemonade, side salad with blue cheese and ranch, my waffle fries, and half of a wrap that my wife didn’t eat. I also got an ice-cream cone.

Day 4: Woke up and weighted 280.4. Coffee with Stevia. Cooked beans with carrots, mushrooms, steak cubes, and onion with beef stew seasoning. Had 3 standard sized bowls.

Day 5: Woke up and weighted 280.4 with no weight change since yesterday. The change I am going to make today is that I am going to only have one cup of coffee with stevia instead of 2 (Mainly because I already made it.) Also, I am going to try to have a salad or something with each of my meals. We will see how it goes.

Day 6: Woke up today and weighted 280.0. Parents came for a visit so I ate some KFC chicken, corn, and potatoes around 3 pm and another chicken breast at 7 pm. We will see if that messes me up on the diet. Ended up working late and ate a plate of spaghetti at about 2 am.

Day 7:  Didn’t weigh myself this morning. I had eaten quite a bit yesterday and I was up pretty late. So… I will weigh myself tomorrow morning when I have today’s fast completed. I had a coffee and a salad wrap for lunch.

I understand that in order to succeed I will need to strictly adhere to the diet and not cheat for it to work.

Thanks for taking the time and above all, just try to live your life without regret.

List 1 Of Things I Like

List 1 Of Things I Like

Today, I want to talk about a few things that I like. So get ready for my favorite things.

Obviously, the family is important but today this is not about them. This is strictly things that I like and not the people I like.

It’s important to note that any of the videos, topics, or channels on Youtube that I mention you are easily able to find with simple searches but if you add the word compilation behind your search you are going to find some amazing stuff.

To start off this list, Just for laughs on Youtube Is well worth it. This is a group out of Canada and they really have some good stuff. I enjoy the clean humor from this company and I really think they deserve credit for putting on a really great show. Link to Just For Laughs YouTube Channel.

Next up is Enchroma Glasses. They have an amazing pair of glasses that help improve some kinds of Color Blindness. They work by separating out the colors that reach the eyes giving the user the ability to differentiate better. It is really awesome stuff. Watching the videos of a parent seeing color for the first time or people watching a sunset is absolutely worth tuning into when you are feeling down or need to gain a little more faith in people. Link to Enchroma Glasses YouTube Channel.

People getting owned, people failing, close calls, and other videos in that category on YouTube is an easy way to waste a few hours. Just sit back and watch people escaping close calls, completely getting owed, or just random shit happening to people. You will see what I mean when you check those types of videos out.

Here is an example of a compilation channel.

Star Trek and shows in that genre have always been an interest of mine. I do want to say that I prefer Star Treks universe over Star Wars. Probably, because I feel that the Star Trek series of shows are more realistic to my view of the galaxy. I like the thought that we could have solved most of the world’s problems enough to explore space. I feel that there has to be other life in the galaxy and it would be very interesting to live in a universe where you could have a commonality with the other species and explore.

I like listening to podcasts. They are absolutely something that I use as a way to past the time and learn. Being able to turn on a good podcast and work is one of my favorite things to do. Without having a lot of people that live close to me to visit or hang out with, podcasts help fill that void. Some podcasts that I like and suggest you try are Naked Mormonism, Psilly Rabbits, and My Book of Mormon Podcast. I am almost caught up on all of these and I think they all talk about important topics.

Links to Naked Mormonism, Psilly Rabbits, and My Book of Mormon Podcast.

Above all, just try to live your life without regret.



288.2 SCREW YOU!

Well, that’s the current weight that I am right now. I know, I know, pretty big, Right?

I figured I’d talk about my weight today because it’s a problem.
Anyways, I am 288.2 pounds and it sucks. Not a lot of people understand what being big feels like. They just act like, “Just eat less and you won’t be as big as you are.” Well, it’s not that easy. I’ve gone on diet after diet after diet and it just doesn’t seem to do anything for my weight loss. I feel like I lose 15 pounds or so and then I immediately gain it back. It’s crazy.

On the other hand, maybe I’m not sticking to my diet as good as I should be? GOD, do people honestly have to fucking kill themselves just to lose a few pounds? Honestly, what do I have to do? Just eat an apple a day and not eat anything else and lose 20 30 lbs— hopefully, more.

Let me just say this, I do want to lose weight and my being fat is not in an attempt to be stubborn at all. That’s probably the biggest thing people don’t understand. Those of us who are heavier want to lose weight. If we had it figured out, we would be our ideal weight, whatever that might be. If we had it all figured out, we wouldn’t be fat. So back off a little bit and maybe try to help out instead of criticizing. Don’t just try to make it difficult for people that have a few extra pounds. I know what I look like and what you are thinking without you saying a word.

Maybe my weight is a problem because I am always trying to figure out a way around things? I mean that is what I basically do for a living. Finding a way to complete a task that I don’t really know 100%. I can see a pattern in my own life since I was a teen of me finding a way around something and justifying my actions.

It’s really easy for me to load myself up with tons of work and I take care of all this other stuff. But when it comes to myself, I let it go and I don’t understand why? I should be the most important person in my life, right? I mean our spouses and our children are very important but when it comes down to it you really need to take care of yourself in order to give your best self to your family. Man, I wish I had this all figured out.

Hopefully, I can find my answers out over the next few years. I wonder what my right miz is going to be? Maybe, I get to share what I find with you. Who knows…

Well, sorry you read or listened to this and maybe my posts will be more interesting in the future. I have a lot to say about the things going on in my life and I am sure you will hear all about it.

Above all, just try to live your life without regret.

Alone… Time to start something NEW

Alone… Time to start something NEW

So, I am going to make this blog to give me a place to VENT and to PROCESS the things that I want to talk about. I hope this all goes well and that I can use this as a way to express myself. I know that there are people who care about me and who want me to do well but honestly I feel ALONE. I have spent over 1 yr in my basement working every day trying to grow my business and I spend hour after hour alone without anyone to talk with.

I… ya know I think I would feel different if I were working in an office and able to see people a little. Just being able to say hello to someone and have a face to face interaction would feel so Refreshing! Ya know?… 

Anyways, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do for work. I love being creative and solving problems. I just need a friend. I have friends I barely even speak with. I have a buddy in Mexico that I speak with more than the friends here in the USA. Lately, I have gotten sick of being the one who always reaches out and has to work on being the friend to others. WHY IS IT NOT EQUAL?

Anyways, as you can tell, I am slightly bitter about how it is all going with my social life. I have a spouse and kids and my kids are for sure my best friends.  love hugging them and seeing them and I hope to do that more. If it were not for my children, I am sure my loneliness would be a lot worst. Just thinking about my kids now makes me feel the burden of being alone is going away. I just feel guilty if I am not working as many hours as I do.

As you can tell I have a lot of stuff I need to work out. For one thing, I need to find a HOBBY that my kids can do with me that’s FUN!

We will see how this goes. I am pretty monotone but we will see if I can be entertaining enough for you. LOL

Thanks for taking the time…