A 3-way with Jesus
I am so frustrated about how my relationship with my wife is going. I wish it were different. I can’t help but feel resentment towards religion because I feel that it has caused me a lot of unneeded stress in my life. How can I compete with a God that is absent and can do no wrong? HONESTLY, what chance do I have against an idea?
Years ago I was naive and thought that the truth would set me free. I thought that once I realized the truth about my faith that others would appreciate me being honest with them. However, the truth about the LDS religion has done little more than to trap me in a battle I can not win.
I am in a relationship with someone who believes anyone with standing in her church over anything I have to say. I take second place to anyone who says that her version of God is real. I am supposed to take life advice from some rando who works at the local gas station hosing off the sidewalks. It is such a struggle for me when we fight because who can win against the idea of a God. How do you get a person to see reason when they fear to even let the thought in?
Do I need to sacrifice my own integrity and go along with this lie? Do I allow my children to be brainwashed in order to have a happy life? What kind of damage is going to be created by playing along with this religion? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror if I allow my kids to blindly follow something that is so ridiculous? What kind of torture must I endure to keep my family together and my integrity intact? Is there room for both integrity and family or will my lack of faith be the end to my happy home?
Being in a 3-some with Jesus is so FUCKING hard. He gets the credit for all the great things in the relationship and takes none of the blame for the bad. I get stuck with the bad. I get stuck with all the faults that this stupid idea has created.
I know there are things about myself that I need to work on. I could spend more time with my kids. I could work harder at losing weight. I could spend more time listening to the endless complaints my wife has about the things she wants to talk about. But… can I live with the knowledge that I allowed my daughter to believe in a religion that is SO unfair to women? A religion that sets men as the leaders of their church with women always serving the man?
I feel like I am stuck in a catch 22. I am screwed either way. Jesus is literally tearing my family apart and he is little more than an idea. Will my life be counted among the billions of other lives that religion has destroyed?
It is hard to see the brighter side when you are so far down.
Thanks for taking the time to listen to this rant.
Above all, just try to live your life without regret.