288.2 SCREW YOU

288.2 SCREW YOU

288.2 SCREW YOU!

Well, that’s the current weight that I am right now. I know, I know, pretty big, Right?

I figured I’d talk about my weight today because it’s a problem.
Anyways, I am 288.2 pounds and it sucks. Not a lot of people understand what being big feels like. They just act like, “Just eat less and you won’t be as big as you are.” Well, it’s not that easy. I’ve gone on diet after diet after diet and it just doesn’t seem to do anything for my weight loss. I feel like I lose 15 pounds or so and then I immediately gain it back. It’s crazy.

On the other hand, maybe I’m not sticking to my diet as good as I should be? GOD, do people honestly have to fucking kill themselves just to lose a few pounds? Honestly, what do I have to do? Just eat an apple a day and not eat anything else and lose 20 30 lbs— hopefully, more.

Let me just say this, I do want to lose weight and my being fat is not in an attempt to be stubborn at all. That’s probably the biggest thing people don’t understand. Those of us who are heavier want to lose weight. If we had it figured out, we would be our ideal weight, whatever that might be. If we had it all figured out, we wouldn’t be fat. So back off a little bit and maybe try to help out instead of criticizing. Don’t just try to make it difficult for people that have a few extra pounds. I know what I look like and what you are thinking without you saying a word.

Maybe my weight is a problem because I am always trying to figure out a way around things? I mean that is what I basically do for a living. Finding a way to complete a task that I don’t really know 100%. I can see a pattern in my own life since I was a teen of me finding a way around something and justifying my actions.

It’s really easy for me to load myself up with tons of work and I take care of all this other stuff. But when it comes to myself, I let it go and I don’t understand why? I should be the most important person in my life, right? I mean our spouses and our children are very important but when it comes down to it you really need to take care of yourself in order to give your best self to your family. Man, I wish I had this all figured out.

Hopefully, I can find my answers out over the next few years. I wonder what my right miz is going to be? Maybe, I get to share what I find with you. Who knows…

Well, sorry you read or listened to this and maybe my posts will be more interesting in the future. I have a lot to say about the things going on in my life and I am sure you will hear all about it.

Above all, just try to live your life without regret.

Alone… Time to start something NEW

Alone… Time to start something NEW

So, I am going to make this blog to give me a place to VENT and to PROCESS the things that I want to talk about. I hope this all goes well and that I can use this as a way to express myself. I know that there are people who care about me and who want me to do well but honestly I feel ALONE. I have spent over 1 yr in my basement working every day trying to grow my business and I spend hour after hour alone without anyone to talk with.

I… ya know I think I would feel different if I were working in an office and able to see people a little. Just being able to say hello to someone and have a face to face interaction would feel so Refreshing! Ya know?… 

Anyways, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do for work. I love being creative and solving problems. I just need a friend. I have friends I barely even speak with. I have a buddy in Mexico that I speak with more than the friends here in the USA. Lately, I have gotten sick of being the one who always reaches out and has to work on being the friend to others. WHY IS IT NOT EQUAL?

Anyways, as you can tell, I am slightly bitter about how it is all going with my social life. I have a spouse and kids and my kids are for sure my best friends.  love hugging them and seeing them and I hope to do that more. If it were not for my children, I am sure my loneliness would be a lot worst. Just thinking about my kids now makes me feel the burden of being alone is going away. I just feel guilty if I am not working as many hours as I do.

As you can tell I have a lot of stuff I need to work out. For one thing, I need to find a HOBBY that my kids can do with me that’s FUN!

We will see how this goes. I am pretty monotone but we will see if I can be entertaining enough for you. LOL

Thanks for taking the time…